So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
