I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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