1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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