she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
