oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it's like iHOP with fire
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
