I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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