fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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