im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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