I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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