I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize