why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What a dumb baby whore.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
