dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
