Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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