please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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