The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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