if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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