The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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