You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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