he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
