I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
