Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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