I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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