She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize