Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
