My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
