you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
