i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
