It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
