a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize