WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
