Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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