Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
