i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
