I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
