he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
