Need sex. Gaining weight.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize