he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you will always have a special place in my vag
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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