you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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