i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
