Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
