dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
so much tequila, so little girl.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
