he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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