I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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