I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
