Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
