hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
