He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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