you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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