Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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