This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
