He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
4 words: hood of his car
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
