clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
