My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
