Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
