You made me cry and you don't even care
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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