Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize