god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
two words...techno handjob
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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