Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
