can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
