OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
