and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
