Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize