I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
