WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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