this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
