i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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