Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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