I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
