I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize