my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
